A Healthy Approach to Homework Time

The reasons parents said they were unable to help may strike a familiar chord: 46.5% said they simply didn’t understand the subject matter; 21.9 % said they didn’t have time to help; 31.6% said their children didn’t want their help.

Whether it’s right after school, or at 9pm, the fights or tears over homework can put a huge amount of stress on the parent-child relationship.  It’s complicated; we don’t like to see our children struggle, but we know some struggle is a necessary part of growth.  And it’s hard to ignore the fact that, in most cases, the work is not only about the intrinsic love of learning, but a grade.

How then, do we find a healthy way to help at homework time?

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1.  You can put yourself in their shoes, but not their minds.  As parents, we feel empathy for our children when they struggle, but it’s helpful to look at our children as the unique individuals they are.  Try not to jump to the assumption that the root cause of their academic struggle is the same you may have experienced.  Seek to understand why a child is struggling and help approach the problem in ways that best suit how they learn and approach a subject.

2.  Take Five. It may seem more productive to drill a fact or concept until a child “gets it” but if you’ve run up against resistance, consider giving everyone a break to let emotions settle.  A helpful phrase is, “You don’t understand this yet,” with the emphasis on the fact that learning is a process.  Take a break and when everyone is calm, return.

3.  Seek Support.  I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a tutor who confided in me that many of her students are the children of teachers.  At some point, even the professionals turn to others for help in navigating the complicated road of supporting their children’s educational growth.  Consider options that suit your budget and schedule.  If hiring a tutor is cost-prohibitive, take advantage of the extra-help that is available at school, or find a qualified older student who comes recommended.  Your first step is your child’s teacher, but consult the school psychologist if your child is constantly struggling or falling behind.

4.  Be Positive.  Watch out for saying things like “I wasn’t any good at math, either.”  Instead, ride the positive wave of our contemporary understanding of neuroplasticity and the growth mindset.  Carol Dweck, a Stanford University Professor, describes this philosophy on her Mindset Works website.

 “The growth mindset, the understanding of intelligence and abilities as qualities we can develop, has been shown over and over to have powerful ramifications on student motivation and learning, and school success.”

With these tips in mind, we might be better able to find healthy ways to approach homework time.  Remember, that even parents, old dogs that we are, can learn something new.

Sarah Vander Schaaff is the mother of two daughters and the Managing Editor of Mindprint Learning, a Princeton based educational technology company that offers the first valid cognitive assessment parents can administer to their children from their home computers.  She writes the blog, The Educated Mom.  Her posts on parenting have appeared in The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Huffington Post and she is a featured guest on the Weather Channel’s AMHQ.  For more information about Mindprint Learning visit www.mindprintlearning.com.